Fred I-Never-Got-His-Last-Name was tall, freckled and despite being skinny, was an otherwise attracted guy. He was so complimentary, I kind of thought I would be the one to diss him, but as fate would have it, he would embarrass the shit out of my in front of my mom’s apartment one summer day.
We were going to go the Gorge to see Tom Petty and had discussed possibly getting a hotel because there was supposed to be thunderstorms. But he was a hippy and I was trying to impress, so I said I was down with camping.
The plan was to meet at 2pm. I had just sold my car to move to New York, so he was driving. He had a red Mazda. I went downstairs with all my gear at 1:45 and waited until 3. The wait combined with the fact that he never called or picked up my phone calls again, combined with the fact that he wanted to use two condoms to fuck, combined with the fact that three years later, I saw him at the Whole Foods in Union Square and his girlfriend had dreads makes me realized that he deserves an exploding hacky sack full of acid thrown at his face.
sorry we met 
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